Because I am currently without online access at home, I haven’t been able to post updates on how I’m doing nearly as frequently as I would like. I feel like there’s a lot I could write; but for my readers’ sanity, I’ll keep this short and sweet.
Diet:
Since receiving my Girl Scout cookies about a week ago, I haven’t done well with my goal to eat healthy. What’s funny about that, though, is that I’ve hardly eaten any of the Girl Scout cookies! My rule is that the cookies can’t come home with me… so if I want a cookie, the box gets passed around the office. This has worked wonders for my “diet” as I am a really, really selfish person and have never been good at sharing ;)
However, even though I haven’t gorged myself on cookies, eating one has introduced sugar back into my daily life and suddenly I find it much more difficult to say “no” to treats. Sadly, it’s not just sugary treats… I ate McDonald’s today. I hate McDonald’s. This isn’t good.
With that said, I feel it’s necessary to remove sugar from my diet again. When I’m not eating sugar, I don’t crave things like fried, processed foods, chips, starches, etc. So here we go for round two!
Exercise:
Diet isn’t the only thing I’ve struggled with. Classes started up again last week, which means that my weekly schedule is a little off the rocker. Originally I planned to exercise with a couple of my coworkers early in the morning, but after a several failed attempts to still sleeping body at 5:00 in the morning to run a few laps around the gym, I decided that I would just have to make my afternoon workouts work. I want them to matter, which means that I need to be able to push myself.
Unfortunately this means I need to figure out how to balance everything out in the evenings, which has been difficult. But I’m determined to make it work! Tomorrow starts round two for exercise as well as a healthy diet J
Spiritual Life:
So far I am a regular attendee at Lutheran Church of Hope for three weeks running! Church this morning was amazing, and horribly convicting. One quote that stuck with me today is this, “God will never allow you to be spiritually satisfied until you realize that spirit is about serving, not consuming.” I was reminded today of my laziness as a Christian. We have been called to make disciples – to serve others in every way we can – not feed ourselves in order to feel good. A new goal of mine is to find a way every day to serve someone else. I have yet to figure out how that’s going to work, but I’m pretty sure God will provide clarity for me in that arena ;)
I attended the church’s young adult discussion group for the first time Thursday night. There was no doubt in my mind that I was supposed to be there. In fact, I may or may not have tried to create excuses to keep me from going. One in particular, I needed to get my oil changed in my car. Now, Thursday was my comp day, so I had plenty of time to have this done pretty early in the day. Instead I dropped my car off at 2:00, was told it would be 4:00-4:30 before it could be looked at and it would probably take them about an hour to an hour and a half to do the work. The class starts at 5:30, so I made up my mind that I would just go home after my car was done. It was totally intentional! To be honest, I was terrified to go. Silly, right?
God had a different plan. I got a phone call at 4:00 saying that my car was done and ready to be picked up. This meant that I had an hour and a half to kill until class started. Despite my intentions to remain anti-social, I walked into the classroom, was introduced to someone right off the bat, we hit it off, exchanged phone numbers and are now friends.
What’s more? I met about half a dozen other awesome people who have come out of similar spiritual droughts as mine. We were all looking for the same thing – deeper, more meaningful relationships with God and fellow Christians. This is exactly what I need. Exactly. Though I had intended to bypass the young adult service that followed the discussion group, I couldn’t. I needed more, and boy was I glad I stayed. The worship service was amazing, and I can’t wait until next time.
Funny how God works, right?
That pretty much wraps it up for me! Here’s to a better week physically and academically, and my cup is raised for an even better God-experience this week.
I am blessed.
Okay. So my previous blog post may have been a tad melodramatic. After posting that, I scrolled down to read a post that I had written several months ago. It reads: “Realization: If I continue to compare my success with the success of others, I will always be disappointed.” It was then that I realized that I’m not really sure I even understand what I’m trying to succeed in. Yes, life does seem to bite me in the ass from time to time, but I also forget to do something about it.
Life is an accomplishment. I don’t mean this in the literal sense of life and death. I’m talking about our personal experiences in life. After a rather dramatic status post on Facebook (are we noticing a theme yet?) , I was reminded by my wonderful uncle D, that I need to focus more on learning from the methods of achievements of others rather than comparing their success to my own. I’m not going to get anywhere by being a Sisyphus (the king who was punished by the gods by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this throughout eternity).
A pastor once told me that if I want change, I’m not going to accomplish it by continuing to do the same thing over and over again. I need to change in order to change.
So what is it that I want to change? Why am I unhappy?
1. I don’t have a relationship with God. I believe that this is first and foremost the reason for my constant discontent. I am going through life believing (?) in a god that I don’t even know.
2. I am 24 and I haven’t even completed my Associates degree that I’ve been working on since I graduated high school. Most of my friends have either moved on in life or are working on even further education than their Bachelors. I feel left behind, even though it’s my fault. Also, I’m a horrible student. I have 3 f’s on my GPA from Kirkwood, and I don’t even want to think about my transcripts from SWCC.
3. I am fat. I am 100% disappointed in my reflection in the mirror. I hate having pictures taken of me, and I have a difficult time even wanting to go do anything because I’m embarrassed by myself.
4. I am in debt for stupid reasons. I have no savings account – nothing to fall back on. I am irresponsible with my money and it’s silly.
5. I’m not sure what will be said at my funeral. In fact, I feel as though people will scoff at my eulogy. I haven’t truly lived life to its fullest, and I’ve used people more than I’ve helped them! I have run away from God many, many times. I have never been constant. I have very few friends, and the ones I have I take for granted.
Again, the image of Sisyphus continues to pop into my head as the words of my pastor sweep across my mind. In order to change, I need to make the change. I can’t just wait for change to happen – that method only ends negatively. That’s how I gained weight...
So what now? I make goals for myself. Five goals aren’t too many to work on at once, right?
1. Get right with God.
2. Finish school with a GPA worth being proud of.
3. Live a healthy lifestyle in order to lose weight.
4. Live frugally in order to get out of debt.
5. Be conscientious of how my life is affecting others. Work to be a light in the lives of others, not a shadow.
There are other things that play into my current unhappiness; however I realize that I need to be happy with who I am before I can allow these “other things” into my life.
One thing that I realized tonight is my lack of recognition of what I have accomplished in life. Looking back on the last 6 years, I can’t honestly say that I am disappointed in my experiences. Sure, I am behind in my school and relationship status, but I learned so much about life. I have 8 years of banking and financial experience behind me. Not many college graduates can pursue their fields of work with much more than a year or two of experience behind them. Aside from the experiences, I am on good terms with all of my past employers and have been promised high recommendations. I accomplished an impressive resume for an uneducated 24 year old, as well as a good working reputation.
I have learned how to live with people, how to understand their differences and how to make things work. I have learned that I am entitled to a good man and that I don’t have to settle for those that just want to use me. I have learned that people really, truly know how to love and take care of each other. I have learned that religion hurts people. I have learned how to make lemonade out of life’s sour lemons. I have learned how to live on my own, take care of myself, and step out of my comfortable box. I have learned that friendships sometimes only last a short time, and as sad as it is to say goodbye, it’s important to hold on to the good that came from it.
So how have I already accomplished some of my goals?
1. I’ve stepped out of the church long enough to understand that God is not in a building full of fake, surface-perfect people, he is taking care of those outside of it and he expects me to do the same.
2. I have worked hard the last couple of semesters to finish my degree. Though my GPA isn’t perfect, it’s much better than it has been in the past. I feel a drive and an endurance that I have never felt before. If I stick with it, I should graduate Kirkwood with a GPA of 3.4.
3. I have made some major changes in my lifestyle such as cutting my sugar/junk food intake in half and making exercise a priority in my life. As a result, I have lost 25 pounds in the last few months! This is halfway to my goal of 50 pounds!
4. I am working hard to meet my goal to be completely out of debt by August 2012. It’s going to happen.
5. I have realized that, if I die tonight, I do not like the legacy I would leave behind. By realizing this, I can pinpoint things that I need to work on such as relationships with people, work ethic, and my faith.
By recognizing what I have already accomplished, I feel less overwhelmed by what I still need to work on. Life is always going to be a working progress; I just need to be diligent. Because of this, I feel that I need to take time at least once a month to take note of what I have accomplished in my goals and what I may need to change in order to accomplish more.
